Circus II : Saturnalia

What’s the problem with diamonds? That they blare the eye ?

Unless ofcourse you know the correct way of looking at them .( It) . But people try and chisel them out into shapes they like ; they want . They want to glisten and scour something that god made all so resplendent.

All alone in a deluge of human shapes …she was standing…All eyes trying to pry her, to scrutinize and censure her .

She kept too calm on the outside for all to notice or suspect the turbulent rage and the stertorous gasps inside her veins .

What Is the biggest error?

Not Knowing what you are

What is the biggest crime ?

Letting others decide what your dreams shall be .

Did she succeed? She was striving to improve things ; but she was afraid of making mistakes.

"IF only she knows , that she has to be herself to be everything."

Maybe she was beautiful. Yes She was. But she was a nobody that no one noticed outside herself …..or maybe just till now .

All she was a whiffet "living by an impulse and chasing a craze" …..or maybe that’s all she ever wanted to be ..Did she manage to be that?

Not her fault ; if she was beautiful , why should she be treated any differently, Why all the devouring public attention; the constant public scrutiny of the gossip hungry masses….

Just an ordinary girl she was ….grappled with "..frustration and anger …desire and wait…confusion and insecurity"….as much as any other girl.

A new refashioned cycle of illusion –assumption-clarity and disappointment made her grapple everytime and hold on to invisible people “ who were always tring to flee” she said .

So much so ; that the reverent rage inside was now afraid of company ; though always yearning to hear its own symphony. 

An extended glare will give intimate glimpses into the human heart and spirit.

‘ To longingly look & see a reflection of your very own soul of hope & humanity may seem less than exciting to some people …..too involved in their fast paced , action world and who fail to see the beauty of life around them……to smell roses..

Please….teach me the magic of wonder ; give me the spirit to fly …..s’il vous plai^t

Untouched ……Scarred

Misconstrued…..Blemished.

"The farther you go

The deeper you sink

Don’t think you read her

Coz its not your will.."

Diamonds are cut ; streams are restricted ; rose buds are plucked and the morning dew is trampled upon…..

I explained to her ; that most great works of imagination ; holy or mortal ; are meant to make you feel like a stranger in your own world.. The best fiction ; will force you to question what you took for granted . It questions traditions and expectations when they seem too immutable . I told her I wanted her to look inside her as to what unsettles her ….Makes her uneasy ….makes her look around the and consider .the world …..like Alice In Wonderland ….Through different eyes…

She says her real self is not enveloped ; yes its not ; it is cocooned ; a haydon !

Despite all the fears and anxieties about the future and a fragile and disloyal present ; it’s the search for beauty ; her search for beauty that lures me the most. 

Her vision had no past; the memory was of half-articulated desire, something she had never had. It was this lack, the sense of longing for the ordinary, taken for granted aspects of life , that gave her , her words a certain luminous quality akin to poetry.

It’s only your shadow; saying something out so loud; but howcome you sound so far away…

Maybe I saw a glimpse of your soul

Or was that just your shadow that I saw on the wall .

Is she still careless and free ?

Answer me

After all the moments of clarity and peace

Did she get rid of the misery ?

Didn’t she question her own thought ; her own belief ?

Looking for her definition ; isn’t she ?

Tired of all the ordeals, is she finally immune to the grief ?

Call my knowledge of her as incomplete; she did. But im too scared to find out ….lest the world has gotten the better of her . It’s a funny Circus .

Her Childish shruddle fails to meet me in the eye ….it’s too innocent, and she asked me ; why won’t I be able to stare you in the eye !

The odds are still stacked against her; as she continues to reside in two different worlds…..

I don’t know where she is today; I’m too scared; little girls scare me…… The Most .